Have you ever wished you could free yourself from conflict at work, home or in the world? In my work, it’s been a privilege and pleasure to help people do just that. On June 22, I’ll be giving a TEDx talk in New York City: Free Yourself When Conflict Resolution Fails. It’s based on the […]
TEDx Talk: Free Yourself When Conflict Resolution Fails Read More »
In The Confidence Code, best-selling authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman show women how to increase their confidence. This is important, since even when women’s competence– or ability– exceeds that of their male counterparts, women’s confidence — or belief in themselves– falters. Having enjoyed The Confidence Code, I expected Kay and Shipman’s newest book, The Confidence Code for Girls,
Raise Your Confidence Quotient Read More »
This week, I was interviewed on the podcast The Upgrade about how to be a better boss. The smart and funny hosts, Melissa Kirsch and Alice Bradley, the Editor-in-Chief and Deputy Editor of the popular website Lifehacker, ended the interview by asking me about a “life hack”– something simple that has made my life profoundly better.
Lifehack: The Nightly Review Read More »
Many senior executives I work with find themselves feeling overwhelmed. One way to stop the overwhelm is to notice its roots. Where does the feeling of overwhelm originate from? If we look only on the surface, we might notice that a feeling of overwhelm arises when we stretch ourselves too thin or allow ourselves to get distracted from
How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed Read More »
I recently asked some close friends and colleagues to offer me feedback on the first draft of my book, Optimal Outcomes: How to Free Yourself (and Others) from Conflict–At Home, At Work, In Life (scheduled to be published by HarperBusiness in January 2020). Two of my colleagues told me that they don’t believe it is
What Does It Mean to Be “Conflict Free”? Read More »
Last night, my cousin Arielle’s grandmother, Annette Hoffman, passed away. At 91 years old, she was married to Seymour for 72 years– they got married when she was 19. Arielle said that Seymour was still showering her with love, as he had been for all those years. I imagine that people who have been happily
Learning From 72 Years of Marriage Read More »
By the time we hit mid-life, working long, hard hours can become so habitual, so ingrained in our daily routines, that it actually becomes more challenging to prioritize time to rest and have fun than to find time to work. I see this work ethic forming early in my daughter, who is currently in 5th
Play Can Be Harder Than Work Read More »
In his newest best-selling book, When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing, Daniel Pink identifies a common emotional pattern across research studies on well-being: people typically feel bad in the morning. Emotional well-being rises slightly around 8 am, then steadily decreases throughout the day until it crashes mid-afternoon, around 3 pm. It then rebounds around
Managing the Emotions Rollercoaster Read More »
An article in this winter’s edition of The Nature Conservancy magazine notes recent research suggesting that when conservation projects involve women in their decision-making processes, the projects are able to attain more sustainable results than when few or no women are involved. These findings are similar to existing research suggesting that organizations in which women
Profitability and Sustainability Rise With Women Read More »
I’ve gotten some lovely responses to the new year’s greeting I sent out a couple of days ago. One of them, from my friend Laura Compagni-Sabella, is particularly moving. Laura wrote: “In the real world, I find that for every act of hate, there are thousands of acts of love. For every act of suspicion,
To Overcome Negativity Bias, Try Positivity Read More »
If all goes smoothly, the book I am writing, Optimal Outcomes: Free Yourself (and Others) from Conflict–At Work, At Home, In Life, will be due to hit bookstores at this time next year. After a book deal with HarperBusiness and an eight-month writing process, I can see that the theme of the book, about how
Choose Your Highest Self Read More »
Sending you wishes for a bright and connected 2019, wherever in the world this may find you. I just returned from a trip to Jerusalem. Although I’ve spent much time there in the past, I was suddenly struck by the small, everyday, peaceful interactions between people of different backgrounds and faiths. Amidst all the differences,
Independence Day is right around the corner here in the U.S., and I’ve been thinking a lot about the last line of our national anthem. We sing: “the land of the free and the home of the brave.” It takes courage — bravery — to become free. It takes the same courage to free yourself
Podcast Interview on Freedom from Conflict Read More »
Conventional advice on solving conflict says you should “put yourself in the other person’s shoes.” This old adage suggests that by increasing understanding and empathy for the other side, we will be better able to create solutions that take their interests into account, thus allowing us to more quickly and effectively reach agreement. For several
Put Yourself in Your Own Shoes Read More »
The world today is increasingly polarized. People who once identified with the center have shifted towards extremes. For example, in the US political arena, those who once identified as Republicans or Democrats have now shifted towards the “alt-right” or “left-wing activism”. This means there may be no shortage of bitter debates in the coming years,
How to End the Bitter Debate Read More »
Difficult conflicts are typically caused by multiple interconnected factors, but our tendency is to view the situation in much simpler terms. Our minds are always searching for certainty and clarity, causing us to see things in black and white rather than to remain aware of the many detailed nuances of a situation. This evolved over
Ugly Conflict? Map It Out Read More »
Over the past few months, I’ve been hard at work to define how people can master very difficult conflicts. It’s for a book proposal that I’m writing. While I’ve been teaching these ideas at Columbia for close to a decade and coaching dozens of clients using this approach for just as long, writing out the
Mastering Difficult Conflict Read More »
Several of the start-up CEOs I’ve coached recently have struggled with this question: Should I fire one of my co-founders (who is also one of my best friends)? If so, how can I do this while maintaining my integrity as a leader and as a friend? Here are six steps to help you navigate this
Start-up CEO Spotlight: How to fire your best friend Read More »
On July 28, 2016, as a panelist at the global Risk Assistance Network + Exchange (RANE), I spoke about how to build a compliance culture. Following are a summary of my comments as a panelist: In order to have culture truly impact all parts of the organization, you need to ensure that culture touches every
How to Build a Compliance Culture Read More »
Dear Friends and Colleagues, Wishing you a great first day of summer!As you plan for some summer R&R, we hope you’ll also set aside some summer reflection time to think about the health of your business. Is your organization thriving, or just surviving? This question is on the minds of many of our clients as
HBR article on Both / And Leadership Read More »
Increasingly these days, in the quiet moments of reflection that I am honored and grateful to share with top executives, they “admit” to me the following: “I want to pursue a career in another field– one that is not known for traveling every week of the year” and “I want to move from NYC to
I recently returned from a business trip in the Middle East and was reminded that leadership dilemmas don’t vary that widely from country to country, from continent to continent. Across cultures, there’s still so much talk about getting “buy-in” and having people “step up to the plate” (yes, people use baseball metaphors in the Middle
If you want others to “lean in,” you need to “lean out” Read More »
In a recent New York Times Magazine article called “Breathing in vs. Spacing out: Is mindfulness always best?” author Dan Hurley compares the benefits of being mindful versus letting your mind wander, and concludes that too much mindfulness could hamper creativity. Yes, you read that correctly: too much mindfulness could hamper creativity. What I want
Can too much mindfulness hamper creativity? Read More »
The other day I was working with two senior executives at a global healthcare company. They came to me because they need to work together but are having trouble getting along. It’s a familiar story: They started out as friends, but in the midst of a series of disagreements and power struggles, one said some
Put your negative emotions to work – in your favor Read More »
In my line of work, it’s easy to look for something wrong to fix. Much of the time, leaders call me precisely because there’s a problem – a team can’t get along; a core market has been disrupted; communication has broken down; a leader is not performing at his potential…the list of what’s wrong can
The hazards of looking on the bright side Read More »
Nelson Mandela was not just a hero for South Africa; he is the world’s hero. In the workshop I teach at Columbia called “Transforming Conflict from Within” I teach about five leadership qualities that are necessary for leaders to cultivate in the midst of long-term conflict: complexity, interconnectedness, values, imagination, and courage. In the workshop,
Tribute to Nelson Mandela Read More »
So often we look at the negative: what didn’t go well, what we did (and we wish we hadn’t), what others did or didn’t do, said or didn’t say (that we wish they hadn’t)…the list is long, and can sometimes seem never-ending. In my work coaching successful entrepreneurs and executives, there is one tendency that
Looking on the Bright Side Read More »
It is a law of nature: the world around us is always changing. A logical response is…to ACCEPT it. We don’t have to like it, we don’t even have to embrace it with gusto. We just need to accept that in reality, it is happening. I’ll give you an example. Last week, I was working
How would your life be different? Read More »
Why are we so resistant to change, even when change is good for us? Maybe it’s because we are creatures of habit, but I think it’s more than that. Yesterday, I was coaching a senior executive at a multinational financial services company. She has two Ivy League degrees, has been promoted many times throughout her
Do you embrace change? Read More »