Twenty five years ago, in a quiet moment, I earnestly wrote the following about my life and career purpose: “I dedicate my life to enhancing the well-being of our world–people and planet.” I am still working to fulfill that mission. As part of that work, recently I prepared to participate in an international meeting on […]
Meeting Norms for a New Era Read More »
For 20 years, I swore I’d never climb New Hampshire’s Mount Washington. A woman I’d admired in college named Cheryl had died hiking down it one early spring. Her curly brown hair, warm heart, and bright smile left a lasting impression on many. The university held a large memorial; her death stayed with me. Though
Leadership on the Edge: 7 Lessons From a Dangerous Mountain Read More »
Dear friends, As we enter a new year, I hope this finds you and your family, friends and colleagues healthy and well. If you were able to find rest in 2021 and would like to build on it in 2022, or if rest escaped you and you’d like to build your rest muscles now, I
My doctor is burnt out. I can see it in his physical appearance. His once healthy frame now seems hollowed out. He’s lost a significant amount of weight. His happy ‘whistle while you work’ spirit has been replaced by silence. His old smile has not exactly turned into a frown, but it is diminished and
Are Your People Burnt Out? Here’s How to Deal With It Read More »
We’re living in a liminal time. There’s a certain quality to this time that differentiates it from other types of time. It’s not the Before Times. It’s not the After Times. And increasingly, at least in many parts of the U.S., it’s not the Deepest Pandemic Times, either. It’s the In-Between Times. The space that
How to Optimally Deal with the Anxiety of In-Between Times Read More »
A Talmudic passage tells the story of a stranger who approached the sage Hillel and said, “Teach me the entire Torah while standing on one foot.” Hillel famously replied, “That which is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. The rest is commentary. Go and study.” If Hillel were an organizational psychologist with
Tell the Truth, With Love Read More »
In recent years, best-selling books like Essentialism and The One Thing have suggested focusing on one goal at a time to powerfully achieve your goals—one by one. Their ethos has been life-changing for many people, including me. For example, I relied on this way of working to write and launch my book, Optimal Outcomes. From
How (and Why) Conflicting Goals Is a Good Thing Read More »
Dear friends, I hope this finds you healthy, safe and well. Below (from my column in Psychology Today) is one leadership lesson I’ve gleaned from the days leading up to this week’s historic U.S. Inauguration, and three ways organizational leaders can implement it. One Leadership Lesson from the U.S. Inauguration The most important contributors to
One Leadership Lesson from the U.S. Inauguration Read More »
Dear friends, To honor this long-awaited new year, I want to offer you some simple wishes. I hope you enjoy these wishes. And I hope you’ll share your wishes with those you care about– your family and friends, colleagues and teams– so we can together create the new world we wish for each other in
Swirl: noun / whirling confusion As we approach the end of the year, scrambling to get work done before the holidays—while working remotely in the midst of a pandemic—may cause more swirl than usual. While it might be hard to define exactly what swirl is, you know it when you see it. You’re trying to
How to Avoid the Swirl in Any Organization Read More »
“…the human propensity to have arguments always fills the available space…” – Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks These days, many leaders are struggling with lack of focus at work. The day-to-day needs of family and children can be overwhelming. The impacts of the global health and economic crises, political polarization, global degradation, and racial injustice are
Why is Conflict More Magnetic During the Holidays? Read More »
Dear friends, I hope this finds you healthy and well. As we continue to navigate our way through uncharted territory at work, at home and in public life due to the pandemic and a host of related complex challenges (and opportunities), I want to let you know about new ways to learn to create Optimal
Join me at the Fast Company Innovation Festival Read More »
free·dom /ˈfrēdəm / noun the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. When we look through the lens of history, freedom often is (or seems like) a zero-sum game, where in order for one group of people to win freedom, another group must lose it. On July
Is Freedom Win/Lose or Is It Contagious? Read More »
Rarely, if ever, have we had a global, collective pause the way we have over the past several months. Around the world, our collective busyness, for the most part, came to a grinding halt. Although we’ve struggled to juggle the roles of teacher, parent, worker and essential worker, and to deal with overwhelming grief, being
How to Increase Justice? Take Simple, Different Action Read More »
Like so many, I am overcome by anger and sadness over the tragic murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and so many other egregious killings and injustices that continue to be perpetrated against Black people in America. The civil rights leaders of our day—including those at the NAACP, the National Urban League and
How to Use Anger as a Catalyst for Action Read More »
Yesterday, I had the honor of being interviewed by Kate Davis, Deputy Editor of Fast Company magazine, for her podcast, Secrets of the Most Productive People (our episode is scheduled to air next week). We discussed how working parents can stay productive while working from home and caring for children during quarantine. At the end
What Would You Like the Future of Work to Be? Read More »
Over the past couple of weeks, in my conversations with clients, colleagues, and friends, I’ve noticed a trend. We’re shifting to an acknowledgment that this social-distancing world we’re living in isn’t likely to last just a few weeks. While Trump has suggested we will have a vaccine “relatively soon,” according to some public health experts,
How to Develop a Capacity for Uncertainty Read More »
All around the world, there is massive loss occurring: loss of life, health, jobs, money, relationships, psychological stability, emotional stability, and faith. And yet, there is also hope: leaders are working tirelessly to pivot their organizations to meet emerging needs, researchers are collaborating across borders in unprecedented ways, individuals are reinventing themselves by necessity, pollution
The Emotional Paradox of Loss and Hope Read More »
As we experience collective loss and uncertainty, it’s best not to make things worse by adding family and work conflict on top of it. But we’re only human, and conflict is inevitable. How can we deal with it, especially now? Toward the end of his life, one of my mentors, Dr. Morton Deutsch, who is
The #1 Way to Resolve Conflict at Home? Prevent It Read More »
In this week’s Corner Office column, the New York Times’s David Gelles interviewed CEOs of multinational companies about how they are working during a global crisis. He learned that Stewart Butterfield, CEO of Slack, led an “all-hands” company-wide meeting from his home’s laundry room since that was where Butterfield got the best internet reception. Whether
Feeling Vulnerable? It Can Help You Make Deeper Connections Read More »
In a 2015 TED talk, Bill Gates predicted a global outbreak and urged us to do something to prevent it; similarly, the epidemiologist Larry Brilliant tried to warn us in 2006 that a global pandemic was coming, and that it could be potentially catastrophic. Sadly, these compelling, intelligent, and well-respected voices were not enough to
How to Think Ahead and Pivot in a Crisis Read More »
Given the constantly changing news, it can be hard to know where you stand on basic, important questions, such as: Should I allow my child to have a playdate? Should I go outside? Should my partner go to the grocery store? While clear guidelines to some of these questions are now beginning to be issued
How to Understand Different Points of View in a Crisis Read More »
There have been times in my life when I’ve had to learn important lessons the hard way. It typically goes like this: I want to succeed at a project, so I work beyond the point of productivity without a break, day after day, until I become bleary-eyed, starved for human contact, and anxious. Or I
The Gifts of the Coronavirus: How to Find the Silver Lining in a Crisis Read More »
Are you continuously struggling to resolve conflict without gaining real ground? Pattern recognition may help. Most people respond to conflict the same way in various situations even though those responses are often fruitless. It’s illogical and, yet, it’s the number one reason many people find it difficult to resolve contentious situations. Why do we fall
These 4 Conflict Habits Could Be Making Your Life Harder Read More »
After a decade of teaching and using the Optimal Outcomes practices in Columbia classrooms and client boardrooms, today, I am thrilled to announce that my new book, Optimal Outcomes: Free Yourself from Conflict at Work, at Home, and in Life, is officially available—for everyone! I’m also delighted that the book has already been selected as
What is Conflict Freedom, Anyway? An Excerpt from Optimal Outcomes Read More »
Dear friends, Today, I am thrilled to announce that my new book, Optimal Outcomes: Free Yourself from Conflict at Work, at Home, and in Life, is officially available—for everyone! After years of using the Optimal Outcomes practices inside Columbia classrooms and client boardrooms, I’m excited about the possibility of the book having a wider impact.
Optimal Outcomes is on sale TODAY! Read More »
Dear friends, Optimal Outcomes is a New York baby. It was written, tested with grad students at Columbia and clients in NYC, and is about to be published in New York. So it’s only fitting that the book tour begins in…New York! (After that, I’m headed to San Francisco, Boston and DC. If you’d like
Join me at the Strand NYC Thurs, Feb 27 @ 7:30 pm Read More »
Before I dive into this week’s post, I have a few exciting announcements: I am thrilled to let you know that Optimal Outcomes was recently selected as a Book of the Month by The Financial Times (the book will launch on Feb 25). It was also featured as one of Success Magazine’s Six Books to
Design a Pattern-Breaking Path Read More »
Dear friends, Last week, we celebrated the birthday of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. here in the US. In my family, each year on this day, my husband and I do something special with our kids to remember Dr. King and his vision for our country. This year, at a gathering with friends,
How to Imagine the Future like MLK, Jr. Read More »
As we enter 2020, given the state of the world (better than it’s ever been, on the one hand, and also needing help, on the other), in case you are looking for small actions to make a difference in your own life and the lives of the people and world around you, I offer two
Happy New Year + How You Can Help Yourself…And Humanity Read More »
A few weeks ago, we considered the idea that our emotions may have seasonal cadences, just like the weather and workflow. This week, we’ll take a look at how our moods impact our relationships and our outcomes–at work, at home, and in the world. Are Your Emotions Contagious? People don’t talk much about “mood” when
Do You Think Your Emotions Are Contagious? Read More »
Two decades ago when I was a young business consultant just starting out, it took me a few years to notice the natural ebbs and flows of the work: January through June were “prime time” with intense client work; July and August were lighter, with clients away enjoying summer vacations; September through the first half
How to Deal Productively with the “Seasons of Emotions” Read More »
Getting clear about your values can be a great asset. But especially as the holiday season approaches in the US, values can also be a source of conflict—inside yourself and with others. These tensions can make it hard to show up the way you’d like not only with family and friends, but also at work
How to Free Yourself from Conflict During the Holiday Season Read More »
Dear friends, In less than a week, on Wednesday, October 30 at 12:30 pm EST, I’ll be teaching a free, public 1-hour live Q&A webinar on the 8 practices of the Optimal Outcomes Method. Unlike the private work I do in client organizations, this is completely free and open to the public in service of
The Magic of an Elementary School Reunion Read More »
Dear friends, Before I get into this week’s post below, a reminder that on Wednesday, October 30 at 12:30 pm EST, I’ll be teaching a free, public 1-hour live Q&A webinar on the 8 practices of the Optimal Outcomes Method. Unlike the private work I do in client organizations, this is completely free and open
The Number One Mistake People Make In Conflict Read More »
Dear friends, Before I get into this week’s blog post below, I am excited to announce that on Wednesday, October 30 at 12:30 pm EST, I’ll be teaching a free, public 1-hour live Q&A webinar on the 8 practices of the Optimal Outcomes Method. Unlike the private work I do in client organizations, this is
How to Make Sure Your Goals Work For, Not Against, You Read More »
There’s evidence behind the idea that humans flourish when they have challenging work to do, and that’s definitely the case for me—and for my clients. In my work, the tougher the conflict, the more it captures my interest, and the more likely I am to be helpful. This has been true for me since I
How to Deal with Resolution-Resistant Conflict Read More »
Dear friends, The 8-minute TEDx Talk I gave a few weeks ago has just been released: Free Yourself When Conflict Resolution Fails I tell the story of how I freed myself from a deeply personal conflict with my mom using 3 of the practices I’ve taught Columbia students and senior organizational leaders for a decade,
Watch the TEDx Talk: Free Yourself When Conflict Resolution Fails Read More »
Dear friends, Thank you so much to many of you who have asked, “How’d the TEDx talk go?” and “When can I see the video? I’ve searched and I can’t find it online!” I’m grateful for your interest, and I’ve done my best to answer below… How’d the TEDx talk go? It was an amazing
The best, hard, surprising and rewarding parts of giving a TEDx talk Read More »
I’m excited (and still nervous!) to give tomorrow’s TEDx talk in NYC: Free Yourself When Conflict Resolution Fails. In the practice runs, I’ve seen people tearing up, and people have told me they’ve learned a lot in 8 minutes. My purpose is not to leave anyone shedding a tear, but the story I tell is
TEDx Livestream: Free Yourself When Conflict Resolution Fails Read More »